Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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