my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
