Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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