OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
