is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
