we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My feet surprised me
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