I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
