Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
