this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
