Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this beer tastes like vomit already
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
