i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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