My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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