come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found the puke drawer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
