Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
