I'm going to jail i love you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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