six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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