you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
