Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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