I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
