honey bunches of taint.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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