you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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