There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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