Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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