I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
