Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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