Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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