Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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