The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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