i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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