Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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