I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
