I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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