I feel great
I just peed on a car
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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