I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
