He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
