I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
