Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
