I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
