'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
