I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
