uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
