She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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