i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
