I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
