I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
