he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You just made me feel so damn special
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
