he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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