He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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