It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My hand turned me down
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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