They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
