dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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