We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
