There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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