Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
