you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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