I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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