I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
