Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
