I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
