Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
