I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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