honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
