I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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