she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
