if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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