I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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