I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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